Grindeldore - Jily Double Date
by Rouvas7x7
Summary: In the afterlife, Albus wants everyone to meet his boyfriend... who just so happens to be a redeemed former dark wizard who slaughtered millions in his quest for world domination when he was alive. DOUBLE DATE WITH JILY! PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Double Date Part 1

After a tumultuous life that involved countless hours of scholarly pursuit, taking down one dark lord and seriously helping in the struggle to take down another one, and dealing with the grief of accidentally murdering his own sister while the only man he ever loved went on to become an evil dictator who leagued with the Nazis and slaughtered millions with the help of ideas that they planned together in their youth, Albus Dumbledore had it rough. Seriously. The fame, the intellect, and the prestige did little to relieve his guilt for the tragedies of his own life. Finally, in death could the former Hogwarts headmaster rest and feel relieved after all the struggles of his life.

There was only one thing missing… his lover.

After Gellert Grindelwald was murdered by the one and only Voldemort, his soul was somehow saved from eternal damnation. When he appeared in the afterlife, the first one he was greeted by was Albus. Somehow this didn't surprise him. After an emotional reunion, they were reunited forever in Heaven, but Gellert had a hard time understanding why he wasn't in Hell after all the millions of people he killed. It took Dumbledore to explain to him that the difference between himself and someone like Voldemort was that he saw the error of his ways, even though it took sitting in a prison cell for decades to get him to realize it. When he lied about the Elder Wand to Voldemort in the last moments of his life as a final, desperate attempt to atone for all his egregious crimes, it brought God's grace among him and see the light. At the end of that emotional reunion, an awkward exchange of words took place.

Gellert ran his hand anxiously through his slicked back blonde hair before he crossed his arms and bit his tongue. "So… Was there ever… another?" he asked with a sense of irritation in his voice.

The man with the long dark, red hair and glistening blue eyes gazed at him, perplexed. Standing there in his airy violet and white robe, Albus paused, unsure of what his friend meant. Did he mean what he thought he did?

Gellert rolled and his eyes and signed heavily, thinking to himself "You dumbass, you know damn well what I mean. Now just come out and say it!" This was his attempt at being genuinely loving… Albus was most definitely going to need to work with him on the matter for a while.

Albus still remained silent, folding his hands at this waist and staring down at his feet.

"WAS THERE ANOTHER AFTER ME?" Gellert shouted fiercely, needing to clarify no more.

Albus smiled lightly. "No… There never was," he spoke honestly.

Somehow, this was hard for Gellert to believe. All the fame… all the accomplishments… all the prestige… How in Hell's name could Dumbledore never have found a lover after him for as long as he lived? Was Albus being honest? Yes, he was telling the truth.

"In all my life, you were the only one," Albus confessed.

Gellert became unusually calm, smiling profoundly in a very masculine manner as the awkward silence flooded the air around them. Albus blushed, the butterflies in his stomach exciting him, but before he could say anything, Gellert took a step forward and grabbed him, sticking his tongue right down his throat before he could even resist. Sparks flew on Albus' tongue instantly, for this was something that he waited forever for.

That was when they officially became a couple.

Some time went by and unbeknownst to Gellert, Albus was still not out of the closet to his friends. Actually, no one had ever knew except for Minerva. She was the only one that Albus ever spoke to on the matter of his feelings for Gellert, but unfortunately, she was not in Heaven yet. In fact, she was currently filling the role that Albus spent most of his life fulfilling, being Hogwarts headmistress.

So, Albus decided that it was time to come out. The first people he was going to speak to about the matter were James and Lily. It was going to be a double date and he was going to surprise them.

The next day, Albus was on his way to a fancy restaurant **[yes, there are restaurants in the afterlife…]** and he was escorted by the hostess to the table where James and Lily were already sitting. Lily, with her beautiful red hair and green eyes, was wearing a beautiful white blouse and a pretty skirt of violet color that bore a floral design and then she also had on her stylish leather boots. James sat next to her, his straight dark hair neater than it ever was in life. He just had on a t-shirt and jeans with a pair of tennis shoes.

Albus was dressed very nicely, wearing a very airy robe of violet color as his dazzling hair of a dark but deep red color hung below his shoulders, shining quite brightly as the little light of the restaurant's dimly lit atmosphere shone upon it. On his fingers were numerous rings made of fine metals like silver and gold and platinum and there were fine gems like amethysts and rubies and emeralds and diamonds embedded within them. He looked fantastic.

He has across from James and Lily, glancing at them graciously before opening the menu before him. "Hello, my dear friends. My, Lily… your hair looks so nice today," he smiled brightly before running his finger over the menu's options.

Lily returned his smile excitedly. "Us redheads gotta stick together," she laughed.

"So… where's your date?" James asked bluntly. "She hot?"

"James!" Lily whispered assertively. "Don't be so rude."

"Oh no, it's quite all right," Albus laughed gently. "They should be here any minute."

"Oh, I bet she's so pretty. I can't wait to meet her!" Lily exclaimed.

Albus smiled awkwardly, pretending to be preoccupied with the menu.

Suddenly, they heard the hostess' voice from the foyer. "Sir, we have a policy here that cigarettes are not allowed. Please put out your cigarette," and the response they heard was that of a man with a strong German accent who said "Fine, but give me one second."

Into the dining room walked a tall and very handsome man. His hair was straight and light blonde and was slicked back on the top but was shaved at the sides and the back. His eyes were a deep blue and were a bit menacing, while his expression was that of a devil-may-care expression. His fashion sense was also a bit… odd. He donned black trousers and a grey dress shirt that had a black tie hanging from his neck. Overtop it all, he was wearing a long, black trench coat. He was wearing army boots, black in color, that made a pounding sound as he walked the wooden floor of the restaurant, and he also had upon one of his fingers a silver ring. He walked over to the table with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, taking it and dabbing it upon the wooden table's edge so as to extinguish it.

"Who is this?" James asked as Lily remained a bit silent while Gellert sat next to Albus, grabbing a menu.

Albus blushed shyly before pulling himself together. "Um, James, Lily… This is my boyfriend, Gellert."

James' and Lily's expressions were frozen in shock as their jaws hung wide open in shock as they stared at the couple sitting across from them.

Scowling, Gellert cracked his knuckles. "What's their problem?"

Lily somehow managed to open her mouth to speak… "Um, Gellert as in… Gellert Grindelwald?" she stuttered nervously.

Albus could only smile, placing his hand upon Gellert's shoulder firmly, nodding his head in affirmation.

"Why is he not in Hell?" James whispered to Lily before she snapped "James! Don't be so rude," as she tried to pull herself together.

"It's alright. I understand that it's shocking, but trust me. He's good now," Albus assured.

Lily was more accepting of the idea that Gellert Grindewald could possibly be redeemed than James was. She smiled, going with it and trusting that if Albus trusted this former mass murdered, she should too. Somehow, James wasn't as understanding as his wife was…

"So… what is it about him that made you fall so head over heels for him?" James asked questioningly.

Albus blushed. "Well, we knew one another as teenagers and we go way back because of it. There was some…. Turbulence… along the way, but trust me. He's good now. He wouldn't be on this plane of existence if he wasn't. He's just a little… rough around the edges, but I'm sure you guys will just adore him as soon as you get to know him," Albus explained, trying to be positive and optimistic.

It was then that the waitress arrived. "Oh, Albus Dumbledore! What a special guest! We're so honored to have you here at our restaurant!" she exclaimed before glancing at whom he was dining with. Her smile continued as she glanced at James and Lily, but froze and turned to a perplexed look of disbelief when she noticed Gellert sitting next to Albus. It was then that she seemed to be a bit nervous. "Can I get you any drinks?" she asked, a bit stutteringly.

"Um, I'll have a strawberry iced tea," Lily ordered.

"Gimme a glass of beer," James ordered.

"Hmm… a cup of hot hibiscus tea would be lovely, I think," Albus ordered politely.

"Vodka," Gellert said.

The waitress wrote down their orders and went back to the kitchen.

 **I think that I want to write a part 2 to this and finish the dinner, but first, I wanna know what you guys think. Please review and be honest. Give me your thoughts. I'm trying to portray Gellert as a reformed man who is no longer evil, but at the same time, still has his bad boy persona. He hasn't lost his edge, despite actually having morals now after seeing the error of his ways.**

 **I also wanna do a coming out scene where Albus does a grand coming out to other characters who are dead like Sirius, Remus, Mad-Eye, Tonks, Snape, Ariana and Mr. and Mrs. Dumbledore, etc. at a big party or something.**

 **I appreciate ideas**

 **Please review!**


	2. Double Date Part 2

Sitting there at the table in the restaurant's dimly lit dining room, the four of them were glancing over their menus, deciding what to order to eat. When the waitress finally arrived with their drinks, she handed Lily her strawberry iced tea and James his glass of beer, much to their glee, and then she poured Albus his cup of hot hibiscus tea gently, but when she handed the glass of vodka to Grindelwald, she seemed a bit shaky and Lily could've swore that she heard her say "Don't kill me…" under breath before she pulled her notepad out of her apron.

"What can I get you guys to eat today?" she asked, glancing nervously towards Grindelwald, coming off as she was extremely apprehensive being in his presence.

"Um, I'll have your soup special today, please," Lily smiled.

"A burger… Everything on it, please," James ordered.

Albus was a vegetarian, so as he glanced at the options, finally making up his mind, he sighed. "I suppose that I'll have your salad special, but instead of chicken, please fill it with tofu," he politely requested.

"I will order the steak, yes? Well done and not a spot of pink!" Grindelwald ordered in his thick German accent.

The waitress took their menus and darted towards the kitchen, leaving them alone again.

Grindelwald began downing his vodka at quite an impressive rate for such a strong alcoholic beverage. James stared, wishing that he could down alcohol like that, while Albus smiled, resting his head on his raised hand as he stared at his boyfriend lovingly. "He's so manly like that," Albus whispered aloud as he smiled lovingly and brushed his long dark red hair aside with his other hand.

"Oh my, you must really be a drinker, Gellert," Lily said, trying to make conversation for Albus' sake.

"Yes! I grew up in Deutschland **[GERMAN WORD FOR GERMANY].** What do you expect?" he retorted, finishing his vodka.

In her own thoughts, Lily was pondering something… Just how is it that someone as wonderful and full of light as Albus could fall for someone so… unlike him? Someone who led a political movement that killed millions and attempted to achieve world domination? Was there some kind of mistake? It just seemed so odd.

"So… how did you two meet?" asked mustered u the courage to ask.

Albus smiled awkwardly and rubbed his chin with his fingers before conjuring up the right words to answer her question. "Well…" he began. "When we were 17… Just after I finished at Hogwarts. We hit it off quite well, but had some turbulence that resulted in drifting apart for a few decades and Gellert did more than a few things that he now regrets, but ever since I first met him when we were lads, I always knew he was the guy for me," Albus gushed.

"It just took a while," Grindelwald interjected. "And besides," he paused, smiling salaciously. "you like my big schwanz!"

"Gellert!" Albus squealed in embarrassment.

"What! Just the other night, you told me that it was bigger than what you remembered from when we were 17! Yes, my schwanz is big!"

James' face froze in bewilderment and Lily couldn't help but laugh and even though neither of them could speak German, they both figured that they knew what schwanz meant. It was evident that Albus was going to have to work with his boyfriend more to make him more "people friendly." Grindelwald had come a long way from his days as a genocidal dictator who tried to conquer the world. He renounced his murderous tendencies and pure-blood supremacist views, and the way he defended himself and stared down Voldemort in the last minutes of his life was brave and impeccable, but one thing was for certain: despite all his growth and redemption as a person, HIS SOCIAL SKILLS WERE HORRIBLE. Lily continued to chuckle while James just stared at them.

"Yes, we definitely need to work on your social skills, my love…" Albus said, slapping his own forehead with the palm of his hand.

Soon enough, the food arrived and somehow, Grindelwald managed to avoid saying anything ridiculous, much to the astonishment of James and Lily. Albus was proud of his boyfriend. Really proud.

 **PLEASE REVIEW! PART 3 COMING SOON!**


	3. Coming Out

Albus and Gellert were at their house. It had been a long week and after coming out of the closet to James and Lily, Albus felt so relieved. In fact, he felt more and more confident now than ever before and could not wait to come out to more people and be totally open about his relationship with Gellert.

"It's going to wonderful," he thought to himself as he came imagined the scene unfolding.

Albus sat in his study, teaching himself Chinese (Mandarin). He was quite the language connoisseur and was already fluent in English, French, Spanish, Greek, and Quechua, as well as Mermish and Gobbledegook, but wanted to learn something new. He stared at his textbook, memorizing as many words and their pronunciations as possible. Once he finished, he walked downstairs to see what his boyfriend was doing.

Gellert was sitting on a large leather wingback chair in front of the television (because there's definitely television in the afterlife!) with a blank expression on his face. The news was on and they were talking about events on the earth plane that had recently happened.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing?" Albus asked, standing next to him.

"I am bored and there is NOTHING GOOD ON THIS TELEVISION. 'VHAT KIND OF SERVICE DO WE PAY FOR, DAMN IT?" he swore in his thick German accent.

"Oh my," Albus began. He was never one to watch much television but as Gellert flipped through channels, he caught notice of what looked to be an interesting documentary in the history of witchcraft , but Gellert was bored and switched it off before sinking further into his armchair and sighing in an irritated fashion.

"I am bored," he declared, to which Albus replied nothing. There was a moment of silence before Gellert bluntly asked him something. "Do you 'vant to have sex, my love?"

"Mmm… okay" Albus smiled as Gellert rose from his chair and they began to walk towards their bedroom.

"Remember, I am the top, yes!" Gellert reminded as Albus smiled blissfully.

The next morning, Albus awoke bright and early. He has made plans to introduce Gellert to more of his friends. To be especially meticulous, he even made a list. James and Lily would be there later as well to help with the official coming out process.

"seize the day, my love!" Albus joyously exclaimed as he pulled the curtains open and su light shkne into their bedroom, which caused Gellert to shriek as he threw a pillow at the window.

"CLOSE THE DAMN WINDOW!"

"Oh, that's right. You hate sunny days… okay…" Albus agreed as he pulled the curtains closed once again.

After getting dressed, he went downstairs to wait for his boyfriend.

Two hours later, Gellert finally arose from bed and walked downstairs wearing his long black coat and boots. His hair was slicked back in an undercut and he looked so handsome. Albus just gasped at how breathtakingly handsome he was.

"Alright, first I'm going to introduce you to James and Lily's other friends.

With that in mind, Albus and Gellert got on their brooms and flew to a nice house that looked as if it had many floors. This was the home of Sirius Black. Knocking on the doorbell, they heard his voice call for them to come in and so they did. Walking down a long, narrow hallway, they found the entrance to the living room.

"Wait here and I'll give the signal, alright?" Albus instructed to which Gellert nodded.

Albus walked into the room. Sirius Black was sitting on a black leather couch and James and Lily were sitting next to him. Directly across from it was another black leather couch, and there was also a matching arm chair, which Remus Lupin sat upon.

"Hello, everyone!" Albus greeted as he pulled his long, bright red hair back into a ponytail.

Sirius waved as he blew a bubble from the chewing gum that he was chomping down on, while Lupin kindly greeted him.

"This is gonna be awkward," James whispered to Lily, whom rolled her eyes.

"Well, I would like to introduce you guys to my boyfriend, Gellert," Albus smiled as Gellert stepped out from the hallway.

Sirius spit out his butter beer and Lupin nearly chocked, pounding on his chest. They both laid their eyes on the tall, blonde man before them and felt extreme fear escalate their spines.

"No, it's okay! He's not evil anymore," Lily tried to tell them, but they were still flabbergasted with their Jaws wide open.

"I don't know what to be more surprised about: that Albus is gay or that he's dating wizard Hitler!" Sirius spat out bluntly, which caused Lily to give him a gentle slap on the shoulder.

"Hey! It is former 'vizard Hitler to you!" Gellert spat back.

"Well, I guess this means we can be open about ourselves, right?" Lupin interjected.

"Moony, no!" Sirius insisted.

"No, Padfoot. It's time that we tell the truth… everyone, Sirius and I are in a relationship too!" Lupin declared proudly as he rose from his chair and stood by Sirius, patting his back.

"Ugh… yes, it's true. I just wasn't ready to come out yet," Sirius confirmed.

"This isn't surprising!" Lily said, crossing her arms. I always knew there was something between you two!"

"Yeah, I remember that one time back at Hogwarts when I walked in on you two having sex and you tried to tell me you were practicing CPR… naked," James added as he rolled his eyes.

"But wait, what about Tonks? I thought Remus was married to her?" Dumbledore asked, confused yet relieved that he and Gellert were not the only gay couple.

"Oh, she's a… well, she'll tell you herself," Remus said as they all heard the front door open and the obnoxious footsteps of a hyper auror.

"Woohoo!!!!!! Weeeeeeee!!!!!!!" a witch with shoulder length pink hair jubilantly yelled as she ran into the parlor with her arms stretched out. She ran behind the couch and then to the other side of the room before seemingly defying the law of gravity and darting directly towards the wall and sprinting up it and over the ceiling and back, not ceasing her joyous yelling. "Weeeeeeeee!!!!!!" she kept yelling before she finally stopped and threw herself down to the floor and rested her head upon her raised hand.

Howdy, everyone!" she shouted loudly. "Do you guys got any chocolate milk? I like chocolate milk!" she asked, looking at Sirius.

"No, we don't, unfortunately," Sirius replied.

"So, what were you saying?" Albus asked.

"Oh, yes…" Remus continued. "Well, you see, Tonks and I were married but it all was a terrible mistake. See, I'm gay and she's…"

"Can I have some chocolate milk?" Tonks bluntly interrupted and everyone just stared at her awkwardly.

"'Vhat is wrong with her? Is she stupid or something?" Gellert whispered to Albus, whom smiled awkwardly.

"Tonks, why don't you tell them yourself what you are?" Lupin asked.

"Oh, why didn't you just ask… Well, my name is Tonks and I'm a le…"

"Leopard!" James interjected.

"No," Tonks sighed. "I'm a le…"

"Lettuce!" James asked.

"No, I am not a clump of lettuce," Tonks replied once again, putting her hands on her hips, annoyed. "I'm a le…"

"Leopid meteor shower!" James asked once again.

"No!" Tonks replied, the attitude showing in her voice. "I'm a…"

"Leftover can of corn from last Christmas!" James spat yet again.

"No, my name is Tonks and I am a lesbian!" she declared, putting her foot down and glaring at James before a moment of awkward silence. "Can I have some chocolate milk now, please?" she asked Sirius.

"I'll go see if we have some," Sirius sighed, slapping his forehead as he rose to go to the kitchen.

"You were saying, Tonks?" Albus asked.

"I'm not continuing my story until I get what I want!" She insisted, crossing her arms before Sirius returned from the kitchen with a glass of chocolate milk.

"AWE YEAH… CHOCOLATE MILK!" Tonks declared, grabbing the cup from Sirius and gulping it down without even so much as stopping to take a breath. Once finished, she held the empty cup in front of herself and gave a satisfied smile. "Mmm… okay! So, my name… my name is Tonks and I'm a lesbian. Before I died, I was going through a mid-life crisis and didn't accept my lesbian identity yet. So I tried to force myself to be straight and it led to a lot of confusion and anger. I didn't know what I was doing and so I convinced myself to become infatuated with Remus because I knew all along that he was gay and had the same issues I did, especially since he lost his lover Sirius like a year prior, and I got weird and stalker-ish and annoyed Remus until he agreed to marry me! But when I died at the battle of hogwarts, everything became more clear and I really realized that I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I am a lesbian. I used to be a player when I was in my last year at Hogwarts! All the girls loved me and trust me, I got around if you know mean…" she winked. "ANYWAY… my dad's family were a bunch of homophobes…. Yeah, pfft… muggles, I know… So, I had to cover up and pretend to be straight when I was in my twenties and it led to all that confusion later on but it doesn't matter anymore because I'm here, I'm queer, and I'm now I'm determined to find my Mrs. Right!"

"What an experience, " James bluntly stated.

"What do you mean, you got around?" Remus asked, perplexed.

Tonks folded her hands and smiled in a a dirty kind of manner… she paused for a moment before rubbing her hands together and admitting something salacious. "I got all the pussy," she said, still rubbing her hands together and smiling dirtily. "I still do! Bang!" she exclaimed, first pumping.

"Oh, well congratulations on accepting yourself, Tonks," Albus said.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Tonks asked him, completely clueless about his relationship with Gellert.

"No…" Albus smiled. He threw his arm over Gellert's shoulder and pulled him close. "This is my boyfriend, Gellert. He and I are soul mates," Albus said, kissing him on the cheek.

Tonks' eyes twinkled like stars as she stared at them with a huge smile on her face. "Albus Dumbledore is gay?" she asked, the excitement resonating in her voice.

"Yes," Albus replied, still holding Gellert close.

Tonks was so overcome with excitement of Dumbledore's non-heterosexual status that she ran outside, shouting "EVERYONE! DUMBLEDORE IS GAY! DUMBLEDORE IS GAY AND HE'S DATING WIZARD HITLER! FUMBLEDORE IS GAY LIKE ME AND REMUS AND SIRIUS! WE'RE ALL GAY!"

"'Vhat the hell?" Gellert asked bluntly.

Everyone just stared at the air awkwardly, wondering why Tonks was so overly hyper all the time and felt the need to tell the whole world when she met another non-straight person.

"Oh well, moving on…" Sirius stated awkwardly.

"So, who else is coming?" Albus asked.

"Pardon my lateness, headmaster. I got stuck in traffic when I was riding bus number 394…" said the most monotone and grim voice that they all had heard in a long time.

In the doorway stood a man with thick black robes and shoulder length black hair. It was Severus Snape. Surprisingly, his hair actually looked clean and washed, unlike in life when it was always greasy.

"Who let him in?" James asked, spitefully.

"Sev!" Lily exclaimed, jumping up and hugging him before kissing him on the cheek and causing him to smile. This was the first time that any of then had ever seen Snape smile. "I can never thank him enough for saving Harry and protecting him all those years!"

James was curling his fists quite angrily as Snape flashed him a smile. Even in death, James and Snape had never quite resolved their mutual dislike of one another, but it absolutely James terribly that Lily genuinely adored Snape and was grateful to him for protecting Harry all those years.

"Fucking Snivellus…" James cursed under his breath as Lily sat back down next to him.

"Well, Severus… it's time for me to tell you… I am gay and Gellert is my boyfriend!" Albus happily declared. Snape seemed completely unsurprised. "Why do you look so unsurprised?"

"Oh please… I always knew," Snape said as he rolled his eyes.

"Was I that obvious?" Dumbledore asked, surprised.

"Yes…" Snape confirmed. "You spent quite an awful amount of time knitting, wore flamboyant robes, often purple in color, and always had that picture of none other than Gellert Grindelwald on your desk. After you told me that you were friends with him in your youth, I knew it wasn't strictly platonic…"

"Oh…" Albus replied.

Snape smiled. "Remember that time I caught you sobbing in your office and I asked you "Gellert, after all this time?"

"And I replied 'Always'," Dumbledore gushed.

"And you told me that you were merely mourning for the monster he became…" Snape shot back, crossing his arms as Gellert remained silent, listening.

"Did you invite my other friends? " Albus asked Sirius.

"Everyone you told me too," Harry Potter's godfather replied.

The doorbell rang again and Sirius went to get it. This time, two women that James and Lily had never met before walked into the room and took their seats on the one couch. The one woman was tall and thin and of East Asian descent and she had long and straight black hair and pale skin. The other woman looked as if she was of half African and half European descent and had medium brown skin and brown hair that was pulled back into a braid. It was Nagini and Leta Lestrange. They were hanging out.

Albus was happy to see that upon her death at the hands of Neville, Nagini was set free of her maledictus curse and was no longer a snake. The kind yet shy and quiet young woman who never wanted to be evil sat on the couch before him and bore a gentle smile. She was very happy to be human again.

"Well, I guess I should tell you guys that I can gay and I'm dating Gellert Grindelwald!" Albus smiled excitedly as Nagini and Leta both gasped in surprise, recognizing the blonde man next to him.

"Don't worry! He's not evil anymore!" Albus promised before explaining their history together to the ladies and planting a kiss right in Gellert's cheek, which made the German wizard smile.

"Oh, I see…" Nagini nodded quietly as Leta rested her hand on her fist.

"My Theseus is still alive. He's pretty old though and should be dying soon so he and I can finally be together again," she said, looking pleasantly satisfied about the Inevitable arrival of her still-alive fiance who was the brother of Newt Scamander.

"Did you invite anyone else?" Gellert asked.

"Hmm… oh, yes, someone should be arriving very soon," Albus replied as the doorbell rang once again.

"I'll get it," Sirius said.

When he returned, a small imp like creature with pinkish brown skin and large eyes and bat like ears darted in. He had a white snow owl sitting on his shoulder. It was Dobby the house elf and Hedwig the owl. Dobby was wearing two thick, woolen socks on his feet and another pair of socks on his hands like gloves.

"Dobby is pleased to be here, sir," the elf exclaimed as Hedwig flew to Lily, who thanked Dobby for pet-sitting her still alive son's owl.

"He was my favorite house elf at Hogwarts," Albus whispered to Gellert.

"Dobby wants to know, why was be invited? The only one so kind to ever invite Dobby somewhere was Harry Potter."

"Dobby," Albus began. ""I'd like to introduce you to my boyfriend Gellert."

Dobby's eyes got bigger than they already were and he squeezed, running into a wall and falling backwards. He then covered his eyes and was shaking. "He killed house elves! He enslaved our people!"

"No, Dobby. He's not evil anymore. Trust me," Albus promised, kneeling besides Dobby.

"Well, if Professor Dumbledore says so, than Dobby believes him," Dobby said, pulling himself together quickly.

"That's how everyone acts 'vhen they first see me," Gellert shrugged, a bit annoyed.

"Is anyone else coming?" Snape asked coldly.

"Well, I invited Cedric Diggory, but I can't find him anywhere… there's a nasty rumor going around that he somehow got pulled back to the earth plane and was reincarnated as a sparkly vampire… but it's just a rumor so I don't know if it's true or not. If it is, I wouldn't be surprised if he started stalking some empty shell of a teenage girl with no goals and no purpose in her life," Sirius explained.

There was an awkward silence as everyone imagined Cedric as a sparkly vampire..

"Moving on!" Snape said abruptly as everyone heard Tonks' voice echoing all over the neighborhood as she bluntly declared that "ALBUS DUMBLEDORE IS GAY! HE'S IN THE HOMO CLUB LIKE ME! WOOHOO!"

"'Vat is wrong with that babbling idiot?" Gellert asked, a bit irritated.

"She's very hyper…" Lily laughed awkwardly.

Pulling the thick, grey curtains aside, Sirius glanced out at the street and saw the pink-haired spitfire running recklessly from street to street and showing no signs whatsoever of stopping. She stopped to k ick on someone's doors and ask if they had some chocolate milk that she could have, but it looked like they just slammed the door and she went to another house to ask for some chocolate milk. Tonks was determined to let the whole world know that Albus Dumbledore was gay. Shrugging, Albus could only sigh before Gellert caressed his arm.

"My love, tonight we are going to a fancy restaurant to have dinner 'vith my friend Vinda. Okay?"

"Sure, my dear," Albus replied.

They all just continued hanging out and getting to know each other for a few hours until it was time for Albus and Gellert to return home to freshen up for their dinner with Vinda Rosier and some of Gellert's other associates tonight.

"Now, it is time for you to meet my friends, my love," the blonde told the red head.


	4. Restaurant Disaster

**This chapter is going to introduce Gellert's friends… for those of you who haven't seen the new movie yet, Vinda is the French woman standing next to him in the posters. She's basically his Bellatrix, except that she's actually sane and is not in love with him.**

"My love, we are going to see Vinda and my other friends, yes?" Gellert asked as he stood in the doorway, waiting for Albus to finish freshening up.

Albus stood in front of a mirror, pulling his long, red hair out of a ponytail and letting it hang down. Spraying some fine cologne upon himself, he made sure that he looked and smelled presentable as Gellert waited with a bored expression upon his face.

"Coming, dear,' Albus said, wiping his face off and slipping into a beautiful long coat of violet color.

"Let us go now, sweetheart!" Gellert told him, gesturing for him to follow him downstairs.

They walked outside as dusk was setting upon the land. The grey and purple sky was blackening with every passing minute as the two of them went to Gellert's motorcycle. [Yes, he has a motorcycle…] Revving the engine, the blonde sat at the front and the redhead sat behind him, wrapping his arms across his waist. Backing out, Gellert drove down the street and away they went down the highway.

"Where are we going?" Albus asked, saying it loudly so that his boyfriend could hear him over the engine.

"To fancy restaurant Vinda invited us to!"

Once there, they revved into the parking lot and got off the motorcycle. Gellert took the keys out and they neared the entrance.

"Take my hand, my love. Allow me to escort you in like a proper gentleman," Gellert said as Albus blushed, his face flashing bright pink as joy flooded his mind. Gellert opened the door for him, kindly. "Redheads first, my love," he said as Albus tried not to laugh.

"Oh, Gellert!" Albus blushed as the blonde took his arm again and escorted him to the table.

At the table sat a tall and proud French woman with dark brown hair pulled back into a bun as she donned an elegant yet edgy dark blue dress with matching blouse overtop it. She sat with one leg crossed over the other, her high heel shoes showing. It was Vinda Rosier.

Also sitting at the table were a tall, grey haired man of German descent who was very rugged by the name of Grimmson, and also a thin man of East Asian descent, whose lustrous black hair was nearly combed, by the name of Krall, and lastly, there was another white man named Abernathy, whom had brown hair and a thin stature.

"These are my friends, my love. Everyone, this is my darling Albus. Albus Dumbledore! Say hello!"

"Hello," they all said.

Albus secretly feared that they might resent him for defeating Gellert and stopping his revolution in life, but it seemed that all was forgiven and everything would okay.

"Hello, Albus," Vinda greeted, putting down her menu.

"Hello, Vinda… Krall, Grimmson, Abernathy…" Albus greeted, setting himself down next to Gellert.

"So…" Vinda began in her thick French accent. "What shall we get to eat? Hmm… maybe the quiche, yes?"

"I'd highly recommend the red velvet wine," suggested Albus.

"Vodka!" Gellert demanded, pointing at it on the menu.

The waitress arrived and they began to order their drinks. Krall and Abernathy did not say much, but simply ordered glasses of wine. Grimmson ordered a big mug of beer. The waitress returned with their drinks and took their orders for the food.

"So… what all do you like to talk about?" Albus asked, pushing his hair behind his shoulders while he glanced at Vinda, whom opened her mouth to speak.

"I do not know. You see, I felt like a lost my purpose 'ven you defeated Gellert and our movement was brought to an end. It was either I change and acknowledge my wrongs or be sent to Hell forever, so I decided to acknowledge my wrongs and feel remorse. So, I put myself through college **[Yes, because there is definitely University in the afterlife!]** and I am now working as a therapist. I have this one client who is really, how do you say, IRRITATING? Oh my goodness, she makes me want to pull my hair out! She is very beautiful and always dresses in elegant black clothes and she is pale skinned but has very dark hair and eyes, but her personality is terrible. All that she does is whine about not being with this one man. Her entire existence is a wreck because she cannot be with this man and she obsesses over it constantly. I once suggested that she move on and try to find someone else and just for suggesting it, she tried to stab me with an ink pen!" Vinda ranted, face palming.

"Why don't you just tell her that there is nothing further that you can do for her?" Albus suggested.

"I have a professional oath and this psychotic woman needs me," Vinda rolled her eyes. "Plus, I've been slow on business lately and need all the clientele I can get. Anyway this psychotic woman has no idea where this man is because they were separated when they died in a battle that they were fighting in together and she is going crazy over it. All she does is whine and cry about this man who was not even good looking anyway! She showed me a picture of him and he was bald and did not have a nose! Oy Vey!"Vinda ranted, rolling her eyes.

There was an awkward silence in the room as Albus burst out laughing.

"No nose?" Gellert asked. "Hmm… 'Vonder who that can be."

Albus smiled awkwardly. "I suppose that I now know what Bellatrix's personal Hell is," he shrugged.

"How do you know her name?" Vinda asked, perplexed.

"I fought against her master Voldemort when he terrorized Britain. Bellatrix was his top follower and his most loyal servant."

"Oy, Voldemort… So ugly and what a pity. He has no nose… I heard of him, but never kept up with current events much after I was imprisoned in life. This woman clearly has horrible taste in men," Vinda went on. "Who falls in love with someone who does not have a nose?"

"Oh, one dark Lord's right hand lady giving therapy to another dark Lord's right hand lady. How ironic… " Gellert muttered.

Albus threw his face into his hands, laughing. He silently wondered if Bellatrix saw Voldemort's current appearance as a deformed fetus stuck in limbo if she would still love and be obsessed with him. He concluded that she probably would.

It was then that a slightly chubby man with short dark hair and pale skin approached the table. He wore a dark suit with a bow tie and had a friendly expression upon his face.

"Hey!" he joyously greeted as he placed his hand in Albus' back. "What're you doing here?"

"Hello, Jacob," Albus responded warmly. "I was not aware that you owned this restaurant," he added, noticing his name tag with owner written underneath it.

"Yeah, I love baking so much that I thought I'd continue it in the afterlife too!" he laughed. "So, who're you with… ughhh…" he slipped, looking a bit nervous as he glanced at Gellert and Vinda.

"It's okay, Jacob. They are not evil anymore. Gellert is my boyfriend," Albus assured, placing his hand in the Polish-American's shoulder.

"Ugh, if you say so…" Jacob replied, hoping to God that he was right.

It was then that the lights went very dim and a curtain in a small stage at the other side of the dining room opened. A woman with short strawberry blonde that had a gentle wave at its edges stepped out. She was wearing a long, red dress that was cut up to just below her thigh in the one side. She took the microphone and began to sing some jazzy show tune. It was Queenie Goldstein-Kowalski.

"Hey, that's my baby up there! Ain't she great?" Jacob blushed as she continued to sing.

Vinda held her finger against her chin, watching the performance intently as Gellert downed his vodka. Albus sat with his hands folded neatly upon the table as Jacob stared at his wife as she sang. Abernathy, Krall, and Grimmson said little, watching the performance as well.

"Thank you," Queenie began before she sat down at a piano that was on the stage as the audience applauded her. "Now, I'm gonna play this little number for you all. Hope you all enjoy it," she smiled as she began her next song.

"Hey! I can't wait til Newt and Tina get here! They're still alive, but I heard that Newt' not doing to well with his health these days, so he might be here sooner than later," Jacob told Dumbledore, which made him think of his own friends that were still alive and he longed to see, like Minerva.

It was then that a crash was heard in the lobby and a hostess started yelling. "Ma'am, you need a reservation! We're all booked and you can't just go in there!"

A pink haired woman wearing a leather jacket and jeans barged into the dining area and started yelling. "EVERYONE, I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU! ALBUS DUMBLEDORE IS GAY! YES, ALBUS DUMBLEDORE! HE'S TAKING IT UP THE BUTT FROM THE MAN FORMERLY KNOWN AS WIZARD HITLER! THE WORD IS OUT! ALBUS DUMBLEDORE IS GAY AND YOU ALL THOUGHT THAT HIM LIKING PURPLE ROBES AND KNITTING WAS JUST A COINCIDENCE!" she shouted as everyone stared at her, bewildered. The hostess and a few waiters tried to grab hers and escort her out of the restaurant, but she would not go quietly. "IT'S THE TRUTH I'M TELLING YOU! ALBUS DUMBLEDORE IS GAY LIKE ME! I'M A LE…"

"Leftover jar of mayonnaise from last Christmas?" someone at a table asked.

"NO!" Tonks replied. "I AM A LESBIAN! BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, DUMBLEDORE IS BATTING FOR THE WINNING TEAM! HE'S GAY!"

"Woah, who is this woman?" Jacob asked, approaching her as his staff still tried to pull her out of the dining area.

"MY NAME IS TONKS AND I LIKE CHICOKATE MILK. Do you guys have any chocolate milk? I like chocolate milk."

Jacob looked at her, bewildered. "Ugh… we do on the kids' menu."

"Can I please have some chocolate milk?" Tonks asked barely politely.

"Will someone please get her some chocolate milk so she'll get outta here, please?" Jacob ordered.

A waitress brought her some chocolate milk in a kid sized to-go cup, handing it to Tonks, but forgot to bring the straw.

"I like chocolate milk," Tonks stated proudly, staring at the cup.

"You forgot the straw," Jacob told the waitress.

It was then that Tonks' joyous expression ceased as her jaw fell and her eyes widened as if she was shocked. "No straw? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAÀAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed with her eyes wide open.

"Go get this weirdo a straw!" Jacob demanded over the sounds of Tonks' screaming and so the waitress darted back to the kitchen to get Tonks a straw, bringing it within seconds. Jacob grabbed it and ripped it out of its wrapper and put it in the cup abruptly. "HERE IS YOUR STRAW, MISS!" he shouted as he bent it. It was a bendy straw…

"Mmm…. Yum!" Tonks cooed as her screaming ceased and she began sipping the chocolate milk, smiling.

"Now, leave. Please!" Jacob begged, face palming himself.

"I like chocolate milk," Tonks stated as she continued to sip on it and the staff pushed her out of the restaurant.

Jacob stood there with a shocked expression upon his face. He turned around and saw the entire restaurant staring at him, bewildered. Albus threw his face into his hands as Vinda's jaw hung wide open.

"Why has no one institutionalized that pink haired idiot yet?" Gellert whispered to Albus, whom still concealed his face in his hands.

"My, my… someone needs to teach her how to be a lady," Vinda said before sipping her wine.

"Sorry about that, everyone. We took care of it!" Jacob declared before rushing to his office put of embarrassment.

"It is okay, my love. The pink haired idiot is gone now," Gellert said, patting Albus' back gently.

"Well, let's try to enjoy the rest of our dinner… oh look, the food is here!" Albus said, finally lifting his hands away from his face.

 **CHAPTER 5 COMING SOON!**

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**


	5. Chapter 5

"Faster!" Albus shouted as he felt his boyfriend thrusting within him. Gellert held onto Albus' thighs firmly as his rock hard erection oozed with pleasure, trying to find Albus' g-spot. He finally hit it, making the redhead gasp as the euphoria flooded his whole body. Albus held into sides of the mattress as he kept himself grounded, trying to contain all the bliss as Gellert thrust faster and harder.

"I 'vill show you how powerful my 'wand really is, my love!" he swore before finally coming to a stop as he ejaculated, reaching orgasm.

It was then that all the tension and noise of the bed rocking became silent and they could only hear the sound of one another's heavy breathing in the darkness of the bedroom. What hot sex!

Shortly After, Gellert threw himself upon the bed, laying next to Albus, as he deliberately moved his body closer to his. Just when the redhead thought that all was calm, the blonde grabbed hold of his head, pushing it closer to his own, and planted a huge wet kiss right on his face.

"For you, my dear," Gellert smiled as Albus blushed.

"Whoa, slow down there!" Albus chuckled, blushing.

It was not long after that that they fell asleep.

The next night, Albus was in his study, reading a popular magazine. He never was inclined to read such a thing, but this one in particular fascinated him. "Tips on How to Keep Your Man Happy," read the title.

"Hmm… I wonder if Gellert would like it if I bought stripper shoes," Albus wondered to himself as he flipped through the pages. "Hmm… this page says that I need to always be confident and make eye contact when we speak. I should present myself with an aura of mystery and always dress my best. My man will find me irresistible and it can lead to really hot sex."

Albus continued to flip through the magazine, wondering how he could make Gellert feel extra special because he really wanted to show him how much he meant to him.

After he got an idea, Albus went downstairs to find Gellert passed out on an armchair in front if the television with a bottle of vodka next to him.

"Maybe I should let him sleep,"Albus thought to himself, picking up the bottle of vodka. "I never could understand how anyone could stand to drink this…" he whispered, setting it down as Gellert awoke

"Hey, don't touch my vodka!" the blonde snapped. He really liked vodka a lot.

Suddenly, a story in the news caught his attention. A clip of Tonks shouting the news of his sexuality at Jacob's restaurant that someone must have filmed on a cell phone camera was shown playing on the new before it cut to a reporter in the news station delivering the facts.

"Last night at a very prominent restaurant there was a bizarre scene that played out when a young woman with bright pink hair fought her way through to the dining room without any reservations and began screaming that the notorious wizard Albus Dumbledore, whom is considered by many to be the greatest sorcerer of all time and whom was famous for being headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry during his time in earth, is gay and is in a relationship with a certain former wizard Hitler. Shehe then went on to demand she be served chocolate milk in a to-go cup, but when the waitress forgot to bring her a straw, things got ugly. Roll the clip."

"You forgot the straw," Jacob Kowalski told the waistress.

Tonks' face quickly transitioned into an expression of shock and horror as her jaw fell wide open and her eyes widened. "No straw?" she asked, terrified. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" she burst out screaming until she was brought a straw by the owners orders. Panting and shaking, she sipped on the chocolate milk before smiling placidly. "I like chocolate milk," she smiled before being pushed out of the restaurant by the staff.

"And there you have it," said the news reporter. "What a strange occurrence… the restaurant's owner Jacob Kowalski has declined to comment on this embarrassing tragedy, but his wife, star headliner at the restaurant Queenie Goldstein-Kowalski has some harsh words for miss Tonks.

Suddenly, a clip of Queenie being interviewed by a street reporter was shown.

"I want that pink haired baboon to know that what she did was disgusting. She interrupted my performance and humiliated my husband's restaurant in front of so many people. It was degrading," Queenie vented, looking obviously disgusted.

The reporter at the station headquarters was shown once again. " The pink haired woman has been identified as none other than Nymphadora Tonks, whom was an auror in life. She is a self-described vigilante who has made it her mission to make sure that the world knows that the greatest wizard to ever live is gay. Miss Tonks publicly identifies as a lesbian herself and has said that she believes it is her duty to spread the word that such an iconic and respected individual is a part of the LGBT community. Miss Nymphadora Tonks has obviously upset a great many people and… wait, what?" the reporter said, getting word of something crazy on her ear piece.

There was a loud crash and some shouting was heard as the news reporter's attention was taken off the camera as she looked in another direction and her jaw fell.

"Oh my gosh… Hey, you can't be here!" she shouted as none other than Nymphadora Tonks jumped in front of the camera, pushing the reporter aside. She had broken into the news studio while they were airing on live TV.

"EVERYONE, I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU. ALBUS DUMBLEDORE IS GAY. SPREAD THE WORD! MY NAME IS TONKS AND IM A LESBIAN AND I LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK AND I LIKE WOMEN WITH HAIRY LEGS, BUT I NEED YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT DUMBLEDORE IS GAY! THE MESSIAH FOR THE LGBT COMMUNITY HAS ARRIVED AND NOW WE CAN ALL LIVE IN A FRUIT LOOP DAYDREAM!" she shouted into the camera as the news crew tackled her and she spilled her chocolate milk and she started screaming on live television. The screen cut out.

There was awkward silence as Albus stood with a blank expression upon his face. He honestly did not know what to say. Gellert just looked at him, speechless himself.

"Forget that pink haired albatross, my love."

"I… I don't know if I can. Oh, this is going to be humiliating," Albus sighed, walking away.

Gellert rose from his chair and chased after Albus, who ran upstairs to lock himself in his study.

Standing by the window, he started sobbing. He never wanted the whole world to know about his sexuality , but thanks to a certain pink thing, his private life has spilled over into the public eye. "Oh, why?" he sobbed, hiding his eyes in his hand.

His study looked remarkably like his office at Hogwarts, which now was being occupied by the still alive current headmistress Minerva Mcgonagall. He stood there, concealing his tears and embarrassment as a loud knock was heard on the door.

"Albus, my love, please open the door! I am here for you, sweetheart!" Gellert shouted, but Albus was silent. He didn't want Gellert to see him like this. He was humiliated enough by what Tonks just did. He, the deeply private Albus Dumbledore, just had a major part of his personal life revealed on live TV by someone that he trusted. Gellert then used magic to unlock the door.

"Go away," Albus sighed, turning towards the window.

Gellert tugged at his white button-up shirt, not sure of what to say. What could he say? Nothing. So, he simply walked up to Albus and hugged him tightly without saying a word. Albus died his eyes and returned the hug and Gellert started rubbing his back gently.

"It is okay, my love. The pink haired idiot will probably be arrested," Gellert said in consolation.

"I don't want her to be in prison. I just don't know why she would do this," Albus confessed, showing his forgiving nature.

"But… but we can go throw peanuts at her through the bars on her cell door. It will be fun," Gellert smiled, still trying to console him.

"No, let's just let it go and hope some other story blows it over," Albus said, still drying his eyes, as Gellert handed him a tissue. "Thanks."

"Anything for you, dear."

Albus ran his hand through Gellert's hair before kissing him. Stepping aside, he gazed at his boyfriend. Gellert stood there, tall and handsome, donning his black slacks and a white button-up shirt. Albus stared into his deep blue eyes and took in all the features of his face. Gellert's blonde hair was slicked back on top like an undercut and very short on the sides and Albus found it to be so… irresistible. Smiling, Albus put his hand firmly on his boyfriend's shoulder.

Deciding to do something fun, he convinced Gellert to play chess with him and so they went downstairs to play a good old fashioned game of wizard's chess that resulted in a tie before Albus got a text message message from Lily **[Because, yes. Wizards do have cell phones in the afterlife].** Something bad had happened.

 **Chapter 7 coming soon! Stay tuned**!


	6. Tonks in the Slammer

Per Lily's text message, Albus grabbed Gellert and the two of them darted across town to James' and Lily's house. Once inside, Lily greeted them with a worried look of shock on her face. Relieved to see Albus in particular, she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh, I'm so glad you're here!" she began. "James is in the other room arguing with Amos Diggory. He recently died and showed up here looking for his son Cedric, who is nowhere to be found! He's angry because he's blaming Harry for his son not being here! Albus, please go talk to him and make him leave!"

A bewildered look struck Albus' face as he ran his hand through his deep red hair. Before he could even say anything, he heard the conflict unfolding.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE IS A RUMOR THAT MY SON HAS BEEN REINCARNATED AS A VAMPIRE WHO SPARKLES IN THE SUNLIGHT? I BLAME YOUR SON FOR THIS! HE WAS WITH CEDRIC AT THAT GRTAVEYARD!"

"Voldemort and Wormtail killed your son. Harry didn't!" James spat as Amos made his anger even more obvious, stomping his foot.

Behind James stood both Remus and Sirius. Sirius was clinging to Remus because Amos was kinda scaring him. Remus tried to keep his cool, but caressed his boyfriend's arm as they both watched James and Amos continue to argue. Albus stepped into the conflict, looking at Amos and shooting him a stern yet compassionate gaze.

"Amos, it is not Harry's fault what might have happened to your son. You need to understand that. I know you want something to take out your anger upon, but this is not the right what to do it," Albus attempted to console him.

"My son is a sparkly vampire somewhere, probably in a forest telling some worthless idiot with no personality that he loves her and that he's a vampire! What has my son become?" Amos shouted as he threw his face in his hands and started crying.

Albus just stared at him. They all stared at him. No one really knew what to do, but Albus tried to tell him it was time for him to go and he resisted, wanting to kill James and Lily over his son's missing status. Gellert stepped into the room, devouring a chocolate bar he took from the kitchen without asking.

"'Vhat is this idiot doing?" he asked, looking at Amos.

Amos immediately recognized him and ran out of the house screaming. Unfortunately, Gellert still had quite a toxic reputation despite his redemption.

"Eh... works every time," Albus shrugged as Gellert looked clueless about what was going on.

"Who is this Cedric and why is he a sparkly vampire?" Gellert asked, bewildered.

MEANWHILE, AT PRISON...

"Miss Nymphadora Tonks, this is where you'll be staying for a while," the prison guard told Tonks as he shoved her into the cell and slammed the door.

After breaking and entering into a news station and disrupting the nightly broadcast to scream to all of the afterlife that Albus Dumbledore is in fact batting for the winning team, Tonks was sentenced to this horrible place because the news station was pressing charges against her. All that she wanted to do was to scream that Dumbledore was in fact gay so that the LGBT community could have excellent representation by having the most powerful wizard to ever live as one of its own. It surely would give LGBT people the rights and respect they deserve and Tonks knew this, so she was determined to let the entire afterlife know the orientation of the iconic wizard. How could such a brilliant and selfless plan backfire?

"Stupid bitches at the news station had it coming. They're probably homophobes," Tonks reasoned to herself as she crossed her arms and thought of how she got in a fist fight with the anchor woman after disrupting her show and security guards rushed to pull her away.

Tonks wondered who her cell mate might be, hoping that she was a beautiful woman and a lesbian or bisexual at that. Maybe she had big boobs or a nice butt or beautiful flowing hair, but most of all, Tonks hoped with all her heart that whoever the woman was, she would have a creamy cooter. Yeah, a creamy cooter... The kind that's warm, juicy, and tight and that would make her panties drop. Tonks was determined... She felt that she owed it to herself after denying her lesbian identity her whole life and forcing herself to love a gay werewolf man to repress her own sexuality after her dad's muggle family bullied her into the closet. Tonks knew that she needed to have a good time and fully embrace her identity as a queer person and even in this most perilous of times, she would still find a reason to smile and she thought that maybe her cell mate would be the beautiful woman of her dreams. Remus and Sirius were gay and taking it up the butt from each other and so were Dumbledore and the man formerly known as wizard Hitler, and from the rumors she heard from Lily, it sounded like the still-alive sons of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were all the homo with each other! Professor Sprout and Madame Hooch both had finally come out of the closet too and they each apparently had a girlfriend! All Tonks' queer colleagues were out and proud and she knew that the time to embrace what she spent her whole life repressing was here. No matter what, she was gonna ride the cooter scooter and no one was going to stop her! She smiled and folded her hands together.

It wasn't until she looked over her shoulder to see who her cell mate was that she would have a nervous breakdown. In the shadowy corner of the cell sat none other than a plump woman with short mousy brown hair and who LOOKED LIKE A FUCKING TOAD.

"Hem Hem..." chuckled the woman.

"Who the fuck are you?" Tonks spat before seeing her face. "Oh my gosh... I AM NOT HAVING SEX WITH YOU! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Miss Nymphadora Tonks, how long will you be staying here?" none other than Dolores Umbridge asked as Tonks screamed and banged against the cell door, pleading to be let out.

Tonks' week-long prison sentence was going to be even worse than she ever could have imagined. It turned out that no, she would NOT be riding the cooter scooter during her time in jail. 7 days to go... 


End file.
